Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
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You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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