well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
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