can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize