zippers are such a cool invention
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
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