there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Sober January is a disaster.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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