i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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