I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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