Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
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Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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