this beer tastes like vomit already
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
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i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
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Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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