I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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