remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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