and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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