Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
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It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
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This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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