I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize