One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
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I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
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Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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