I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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