So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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