I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
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I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
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so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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