you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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