I wish I could punch you in the face.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize