well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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