the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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