At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
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My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
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That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
This is my gift to your gina
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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