How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize