for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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