I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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