apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize