if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
