high people should be assigned attendants
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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