If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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