It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
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It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
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If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize