I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
