that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize