i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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