Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize