I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
COCAINE IS GR8
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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