Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
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He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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