Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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