If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
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On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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