Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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