I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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