Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
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I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
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At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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