her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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