They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
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So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
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i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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