how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
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How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
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When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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