Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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