3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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