I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize