i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
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It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
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It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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