i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize